Clearing Up Misperceptions

I had the chance to watch the Oprah show yesterday in which she celebrated the 25^th anniversary of the Color Purple. What struck me was the conversation between Oprah Winfrey and Whoopi Goldberg at the beginning of the episode. They spoke about how they cleared up a perceived misunderstanding they had when each thought the other one was upset with them.

I was impressed at the honesty of the moment and thought how many of us go through life and we do not clear up misunderstandings. We waste years on holding grievances, when a clear and direct question "Are you upset with me" or "Did I do something to offend you" would clear the way for honest dialogue.

One must be really brave to ask that question. Because what if the person answers yes, you offended me. How do you handle that? You have to stay strong, and just listen to them. To the best of your ability, make a sincere effort to clear up the misunderstanding. It takes even greater courage to say I am sorry.

Today, I encourage you to take that brave step and have an honest conversation.

In some families, please is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was sorry. ~Margaret Laurence

Healing From Hurt

When you are hurt emotionally, how do you heal? The other day I looked at an old scratch on my hand, which I received from my cat when he was a kitten. The scar had faded into the skin but it is still there. It got me to thinking about the emotional scars that we carry around with us. I realized that I had emotional scar tissue that needed to fade into the background.

When we are hurt we put protective barriers around are emotions so that others won’t hurt us the same way. We build emotional scar tissue. One of my favorite phrases use to be “Oh, I’ve forgiven them, but I will never forget it. The reality was that every time I said that phrase I built more emotional scar tissue around my heart and refused to let it fade.

It is something that I am working on and it isn’t easy. However, when we release the pain from our minds we are able to free our hearts. Our hearts are able to pulsate easier. We breathe better. We sleep better. Our minds are free and can grasp the lessons that we have learned. For out of every storm comes a new ray of light. Use it to purify your soul. Truly forgive the people who hurt you, release their spirit to the universe, and move on to a new day.

“In our lives there is bound to come some pain, surely as there are storms and falling rain; just believe that the one who holds the storms will bring the sun.” Unknown

Empty “Sorries”

Lately the news has been filled with stories about politicians, celebrities, and athletes apologizing for bad behavior or inappropriate comments. It occurred to me that these apologies are empty. The truth is more likely than not, they are sorry they were caught, or sorry that other people didn’t like what they did. These weak apologies are often followed by even weaker excuses for bad behavior. Just once, I would like people to stand behind their bad behavior and not give out an empty sorry.

As a child, I learned this lesson from my mother. She would never accept just sorry as an apology. She would ask the question, “What are you sorry for?” When the question is posed in that manner the truth really comes out. Usually I was sorry that I was caught at whatever I was supposed to be apologizing for but I really wasn’t sorry for what I said or did.

This childhood lesson has really helped me as an adult. A sincere apology comes from the heart. The feeling of remorse and the sense that you caused true emotional pain to another person affects your spirit. When you apologize you should mean it from the core of your being or don’t bother to offer it. Sorry really is the hardest word.

Never ruin an apology with an excuse. ~Kimberly Johnson